Squidward & the Death Note
by Grominator
Summary: It has been six months since the death of Light Yagami, and the human world is back to its boring old self. Ryuk, of course, has since become as bored as ever. It's time he stirred things up again, but now it will happen a little bit differently ...
1. Murder 0

This is a fic I've been cooking up for a while ... for all the Spongebob haters like me. So if you'd like to see some certain characters get what should have had come to them years ago, this is for you! The chapters in this one are going to be fairly short, compared to my first fic, but there's not much I can work with, using what I am.

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Spongebob Squarepants.

* * *

A Shinigami's Fun Never Ends

The barren, dry, depressing wasteland that is the Shinigami Realm seemed to be as unchanging as the flow of time itself. Ryuk, the black-clothed, skeletal god of death sat watching the human world with bulging yellow eyes with a bored scowl on his bone-white face. "I've grown bored with the human world. Ever since Light died and his Death Note was burned, nothing happens anymore. It's just the same old routine, day after day. It's been only six months and I'm already bored as Hell, even though there isn't really a Hell to begin with." He chuckled at his own joke.

"Hmmmmm. Maybe it's time to stir things up again, but let's try something a little more interesting," he said, waving his hand over the viewing portal. The view came to rest on the ocean floor. He was surprised to find entire civilizations existing under water. Ryuk scanned the coral cities until he found one specific individual who seemed to share his views. "This undersea world is just as rotten as the human world," Ryuk breathed through the many sharp teeth lining his large mouth, his blue lips curling and red irises dilating. "Bikini Bottom, huh? What a silly name for an underwater city. Time for some fun."

With that, he walked across the long, sand–covered plains and down the long, winding staircase that led to the portal that linked the two worlds. Ryuk spread his black wings and took flight, crossing over into the human world, coming out over the crystal–clear ocean, he held out something black and let go, letting it sink beneath the waves until it was out of sight. The Shinigami let out his trademark psychotic, maniacal laugh and returned to the Shinigami Realm to watch the developments from afar. _This should be good for some decent entertainment_, Ryuk thought as he flew away laughing hysterically.

* * *

Who did Ryuk see? Like I gotta ask, right? I think the real question is: Who's gonna die first? Take a guess. I DARE YOU!

Next chapter: next Saturday (Oct. 2nd)


	2. Murder 1: The Brooding Squid

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

* * *

The Brooding Squid

"Well, that's another day of my life wasted," Squidward Tentacles sighed as he walked out of the Krusty Krab and began to walk home. "Another day of listening to Mr. Krabs banter on and on about money and having to sit through that idiot, Spongebob's annoying laughter and brainless shenanigans."

The mild–mannered squid was feeling particularly down in the dumps today, after being swindled once again by his so–called boss over some "improperly counted change" and having to pay Krabs out of his own pocket for a mistake that he didn't make, including a $20 interest, which he didn't have since Krabs rarely ever pays him. _That old crab is nothing but a crook that society has turned a deaf ear to,_ he thought. _If I had my way, I'd see to it that people like that are erased from this planet forever._ He sighed again. "But I never get my way, ever."

Squidward kept walking through town, the people not even bothering to say "Hello," or "Good afternoon," to him. This was making his day even worse, but nothing could have befouled Squidward's day more than his other neighbor, Patrick Star, a starfish who had never shown the signs of having more intelligence than an the rock he took residence under, throwing up the rock and throwing his thrash out with total disregard for pedestrians. The garbage landed all over Squidward and his lawn.

This made Squidward madder still. "Patrick! Why did you throw garbage all over me and my lawn?!"

The starfish just looked at him with a brain-dead look in his eye and said, "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I don't know. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"HOW IS THAT A GOOD IDEA?!" Squidward raved, rubbing the trash off his face and his favorite shirt.

"Uh, I don't know."

As Squidward stormed toward his house, his mind was in a state of rage, even though his face gave off no sign of such … unless one counted the jets of steam coming from every orifice of his head as a sign of rage. _If I don't do something about that starfish, he's going to be the death of me!_

Squidward was so lost in thought, he didn't see the black book on his doorstep. As soon as his foot stepped on it, he slipped and fell on his head. "OW! Who put this stupid book on my doorstep?" He bent down and picked it up.

"Huh?" he said upon seeing the words written on the front in fine white print. _Death … note, huh?_ "Like as in musical note?" he said hopefully. He opened the book and fanned through the pages. "What's this? It's blank. No music at all!" he scoffed, closing it up, but not before he saw something on the inside–cover. "What's this? 'How to use it'?" Squidward's eyes opened as wide as dinner plates with wonder, and he quickly closed the book. _I'd better read this inside_, he thought as his eyes shifted from side to side.

* * *

An hour later, Squidward was still in his chair, reading and contemplating what he'd just laid eyes on. _That was a lot of rules_. "Sooooooo, as long as I write the names while keeping their faces in mind, they will die in 40 seconds, and they can die however I want them to? Well, as long as I won't have to look at Spongebob's face again in real life, I suppose I could manage that. Details, hmm? I guess that would include time and place. Yesssss, and what they do before they die," he hissed, scratching his chin. "That'll be ideal for what I thought about on my way home. It's as if somebody actually read my mind and gave me this Death Note for exactly the same purpose. But first, I'd better do a little research."

He walked over to his desk and sat down at his computer. It was the cheapest on the market, because Squidward never had enough money (due to a certain very greedy crustacean). There was barely a signal for the internet, but Squidward was content with what he had. _It'll have to be someone society can do without, but someone I'm not close to_. "This'll take a little time, but I think I can figure out all the ins and outs of this notebook. Wait," he said as he came to a criminal information site. "Yes, yes, yes, that's it."

"Ah ha ha a ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha!"

* * *

As Squidward laughed his very snort–filled laugh, miles away in Atlantis, King Neptune Poseidon awoke from his slumber with very bloodshot eyes. "I sense a dark foreboding," he thought out loud, but after a few moments of looking around, he simply shrugged. "Ah, well. Must have been a dream or something." He lay back down to go to sleep, only to have his eyes shoot open once more, as there came a knock at the door.

Rubbing his eyes and grumbling, he floated to his front door. "What are you doing, coming to call at this hour?" he whispered as he opened the door. But before he could get a look at his visitor, he felt something wrapped itself around his neck and pull him downward before something bashed his throat. That was the last thing he felt before he lost consciousness and slipped into total darkness.

* * *

Next update: next weekend (just like premiering episodes)


	3. Murder 2: The Prelude

First of all, I just want to say that I have seriously rethought this fic. I've always done my stories as true to the source material as possible, but this one may not end up following that model. There's still a long way to go, so maybe I'll have a brainstorm and be able to restore that model in some way, shape or form, because I didn't start writing fan fictions to write slash fics.

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

* * *

The Prelude

As Squidward awoke the next morning, he was feeling very content with himself, and as he fixed himself his morning cup of tea and sat down on his couch, a big smile could not rend itself from his face. "I think I'll turn on the news this morning. I wonder what'll be on?"

"Today's news," the news anchor started. "Tragedy strikes Atlantis. Last night, everything seemed calm and tranquil in the heavenly city. Suddenly, the Tattle–Tale Strangler, who was currently on the run from the law, appeared at the home of one King Neptune himself and strangled him to death."

"And that's a tale no one will get a chance to tattle on," her partner said grimly. "As the Tattle–Tale Strangler was standing over his most recent victim, he suffered – "

"A massive heart attack and died instantly," Squidward finished his sentence as he turned off the TV with a dark look on his face. "Everything went according to my plan. Heh heh heh." _I knew the Tattle_–_Tale Strangler would be hiding around Atlantis. Ironic as it sounds, that's his only blind spot. Heh. Thank you, Wikipedia, and most importantly, thank you, my Death Note. It works perfectly._

"Well, I've done enough for one morning. Time to go to work," he thought out loud as he put on his Krusty Krab hat and nametag. He was about to walk out the door when his door was thrust open, almost hitting him in the face.

"HEY! WHAT'S THE IDEA BARGING INTO MY HOUSE!" he yelled in rage. "HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF DISTURBING THE PEACE?!"

"HI SQUIDWARD!" It was Spongebob, the only person who could ruin Squidward's good mood. "Are you ready for work? Are ya? Are ya? Are ya? Are ya? Are ya?" He didn't stop asking even as Squidward walked all the way to work. He even kept "Are ya?"–ing when Squidward got behind the counter, and well into the workday.

_So begins another annoying day at work…_

It certainly didn't help when Krabs decided to keep the store open half the night so that the money–paranoid crab could count all the money in the store in front of Squidward and Spongebob. Squidward fell asleep in the middle, causing Krabs to deduct $5 from his salary, which was already at –$10.

_No matter_, Squidward thought as he walked home, Spongebob hovering around him again. _Soon I'll be free of these idiots … forever! That thought alone is enough to keep me sane, because once I'm through, I'll be set for life, and I won't have to deal with anymore nonsense from the most socially inept fools in Bikini Bottom._

By the time he finally reached home and slammed his front door in Spongebob's face, he was exhausted. He didn't even take a moment to write a name in the Death Note before he fell asleep, because in just a few hours, he'd have to wake up and go through another day like this. _This was just another day in the messed up life of Squidward Tentacles,_ he thought as he eased himself into bed next to his precious clarinet.

* * *

What could Squidward mean by "set for life?" We'll find out soon I'm sure.

Next chapter: TBD.

Also: Watch out for another fic featuring a Nick show in the coming week.


	4. Murder 3: The Plan Commences

I really appreciate the reviews I've received for this fic. I wasn't really seeing much success for this fic in terms of readers, but it seems I was wrong, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. I think you'll agree with me when I say this chapter will be one of the best (and funniest) yet.

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

* * *

The Plan Commences

The next morning, Squidward awoke with a very sour look on his face, complete with blood–shot eyes. Last night, Spongebob had invited half the town for an "all–night slumber party," and was blasting music well past midnight, causing Squidward's ears to ring all night. If that hadn't been enough to annoy Squidward, for the next three hours, Spongebob and Patrick took turns telling "ghost stories" that just made each other burst into fits of screams, except for when they insisted on watching old cartoons at 4 AM and Spongebob got into a fit of laughter. That was what really did it for him. It was that constant "DAHAHAHA DAHAHAHA DAHAHAHA!" that haunted his dreams and perpetuated his worst nightmares.

Having been completely deprived of sleep, there was no way he could work today under these conditions. But first, there was work to do – important work. He sat down at his desk and opened the Death Note to a fresh page. "Spongebob and Patrick think they can torture me for life, and Mr. Krabs thinks he can take money from me for no reason every day of the year. Well, I'm about to take something from them all … LIFE! Hmmmmmmmmm. I need to do this just right … in just the right sequence," he thought out loud as he started to write. "If I do this just right, I can pay them back for everything they've done to me … and then some!" He started writing so fast, his pen started to smoke. As soon as the writing was done, it didn't take long for the smoke to dissipate.

"Now, I'll better call Mr. Krabs and tell him. He picked up his phone and dialed the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs always came in early to make sure all the money was still there – he was always paranoid about robbers stealing his money at night. "Hello, Mr. Krabs? Yes, I'm not gonna be able to come in today. I'm feeling a little under the weather, if you know what I mean … Yes it was Spongebob's party – wait, how do you know? … Of course you were there," he said as though he'd just asked the dumbest question in the world. _Like the cheapskate would ever pass up anything free._ "What?! What to do mean I can't miss work? I have sick days, right? I did not use them up … because YOU never let me take one! You said 'they just waste money,' which they DON'T! Well, I'm taking one today or I'm walking!"

It didn't take long for his boss to answer. "WHAT?! Fired? For missing work for one day because of health reasons? No, I will not take back what I've said you good–for–nothing money–grubbing slave driver! Yeah I said it! Sorry? Yeah, I'm sorry. SORRY I EVER MET YOU! I'm not giving you the chance to fire me, because I QUIT!" Squidward slammed the phone down so hard it split in half. His head was steaming, but it didn't last long. He just remembered the notebook lying on his desk. "Heh heh heh!" _My performance went better than I planned. Even I forgot I was only supposed to be acting._

Squidward was so impressed with himself that he threw he head back and laughed. "Ah ha ha a ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha! HA A HA HA HA A HA HA HA HA!"

* * *

Spongebob was walking by outside when he heard Squidward laughing. Despite having not slept a bit at his own slumber party, Spongebob was looking as healthy and springy as ever. "Wow, Squidward must be really happy about something. Too bad he missed my party last night. SEE YOU AT WORK, SQUIDWARD!" he called with glee.

Squidward suddenly stuck his head out the door. "Sorry, Spongebob," he said as pleasantly as possible. "I don't work there anymore."

"WHAT?!"

"Mr. Krabs fired me for wanting a day off for my health."

"He can't do that," Spongebob said angrily. "I'll make Mr. Krabs see sense." He ran to the Krusty Krab faster than usual to talk to his boss.

Closing the door, Squidward grinned bigger than ever. "It's already working." He launched himself into his most loud and diabolical laugh yet.

"Hey! Keep it down!" a lazy voice called from outside. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"Shut up, Patrick!" Squidward yelled at his less-than-intelligent neighbor. "You and Spongebob kept me awake all night! I'm allowed to laugh too once in a while!" _Even if it is an evil laugh_.

With a sigh, Squidward closed the window and walked over to his couch to watch TV. "The plan has been set in motion. Now, I just enjoy my stories and wait for my Death Note to _really_ take effect and do my work for me," he said in a very relaxed tone as he reached for the remote.

He had just turned on the TV when there was a knock at the door. "Oh, what now?!" He slammed the remote down and stormed to the door.

He wrenched it open and said, "Now, listen you – " but then he finally realized what was in front of him. He looked up at the hideous black figure towering over him.

It bent over to look right at him, huge yellow and red eyes. "Hi," it said in a really creepy voice.

"Oh," Squidward said, quite causally. He closed the door, turned around, and five seconds later, he screamed so loud his entire house flipped over.

* * *

He's heeeeeeerrrrrre! Ryuk has arrived, and now that he has, things are about to get interesting.

Next chapter: next week


	5. Murder 4: Step One

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this fic has just received its 100th hit of the month, and now its time for me to land even more with this next installment of Squidward & the Death Note. It's time you saw the rest of Squidward's reaction to Ryuk's arrival.

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

* * *

Step One

"A MONSTER! A MONSTER'S COME TO GET ME! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEE!" he screamed, dashing through the house, looking for something to defend himself with, but before he could get his hands on anything, the thing at his door came straight through the wall.

"Oh great! It can walk through walls too? Just perfect. Now I'm dead for sure. It's because I used that notebook, isn't it? I should have listened to the signs. I should have known this would happen."

"Are you done yet?" the thing asked him, crossing its arms. "This is getting old really fast."

"Uh, yeah. I think it's out of my system," Squidward said, his composure completely back now.

"Good," the specter said flatly. "Even in my world, I'm not really known for my patience. So listen up and listen good.

"My name is Ryuk. I'm a shinigami."

"A shiniwhatsawhosits?" This sent Ryuk crashing to the floor.

"It means 'god of death.' Didn't you read the rules?"

"Oh, yeah I did," Squidward said, remembering the rule of the Death Note. "It said something about a whatever–you–are coming around a little while after I picked up the notebook. I just didn't think it was gonna be this quick. I'd hoped I would've been done with the thing and burned it by the time you showed up."

"Wait, if we're under water, how can you burn anything?" Ryuk said quizzingly.

"Um. If we're under water, how can you breathe?" Squidward asked back.

After a brief silence, Ryuk threw back his head and laughed. It was the kind of blood–curdling laugh that sent shivers down Squidward's spine.

When Ryuk finally stopped laughing, he looked down and into Squidward's eyes. "I like you," he breathed into the squid's face. "This should prove to be _very_ entertaining."

"Um, I'm not sure I understand … entertaining?" Squidward wondered out loud.

Ryuk chuckled. "You see, Squidward Tentacles, I fancy myself a … spectator. I enjoy watching others use Death Notes to kill each other. It brings me great amusement!"

"Wow, you really need to get a better hobby," Squidward shook his head. "Perhaps a little –" he started, holding up his clarinet, but then he realized something. "Hey, how'd you know my name?"

"We Shinigami can see everybody's names with our eyes. That's how we know what to write in our Death Notes when we kill."

Squidward smirked. "So this means you _don't_ plan on killing me then?"

"You don't listen well, do you?" Ryuk put his face closer to Squidward's. "I'm a spectator. That means I have to stay here until I either see you die or the Death Note is destroyed. Until then, I expect to be entertained."

"Heh. Well, I think if you figure out how to wait patiently, you will be satisfied," Squidward sneered as he looked at his watch.

Seeing this made Ryuk laugh. _He's becoming like Light; always checking his watch. What's will be next I wonder, the evil laugh or the God–complex?_

"Oh, wouldn'tcha look at the time," Squidward exclaimed suddenly. "It's time for my mid morning bike ride."

As he watched Squidward walk out of the house, Ryuk simply shook his head. "It was too good to be true."

As he was walking his bike onto the road, Squidward was about to take a deep breath and enjoy the crispy morning air (sort of) when Ryuk suddenly floated down on his huge black wings and began drifting along behind, almost making Squidward fall right off his bike. "What are you doing following me?"

"Don't you remember?" Ryuk reminded him. "The shinigami who owned the Death Note must shadow the new owner everywhere until he dies."

"Hmph! Well, that doesn't matter one bit," was Squidward's response to the phantom's remark. "Now that things are about to unfold, I won't have to deal with you for too long." _I think I'll go around the Krusty Krab. See how Spongebob's making out without me to bother all day_.

_I wonder what he means_, Ryuk thought. _But what fun would it be to ask him anyway?_

Just as he was thinking this, a pair of ambulances rushed by, heading straight in the direction of Squidward's former workplace. "Oh dear. I wonder what could be happening," he said a little too nonchalantly.

Squidward arrived just in time to see Spongebob be carted out of the restaurant with a metal skewer impaling him right between the eyes.

Feeling strangely satisfied at seeing this, in addition to Mr. Krabs running after the customers with tears in his eyes, who were walking angrily out of the restaurant, calling them "his money," Squidward turned back toward his house with an wicked smirk on his face, one that made Ryuk think of only one person: Light Yagami. _Yup, it was the smile first._

"He _was_ your neighbor, wasn't he?"

"What's your point?" Squidward shot back. "He was the bane of my existence." He smiled again. _Step #1: Kill Spongebob … Complete_.

* * *

Spongebob is dead? But how can you kill a sponge? Just what did Squidward write in the Death Note? And what will happen next?

You'll just have to be patient and find out next update.


	6. Update

Sorry for the absence. I've been trying to get past the writer's block I've been having with my other fics, but I'll get started on the new chapter tomorrow. With any luck, it should be done within a week.


	7. Murder 5: Step Two

I promised a new chapter by the end of the week, and do I deliver or do I deliver?

It's about time we introduced some new characters, even some inspired by Death Note characters. Squidward's plans are about to become more intricate than before, and it's about time for someone else to die, but first Squidward is about to get a visitor.

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

* * *

Step Two

The next day, Squidward woke up at 9:30 AM by means of his alarm clock for the first time in weeks, exactly the time he had intended to; for once, Spongebob wasn't making a racket and waking him up at before 8. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh," Squidward yawned as he sat up in bed and stretched his tentacles in all directions. "Good morning, Ryuk. Did you sleep well?"

"Shinigami don't sleep, you moron," the Death God said in annoyance from the other side of the bedroom. "I thought I told you that." _I take it back. This squid is far more audacious than Light ever was. To ask me if I slept well …_

As Squidward walked into his living room, he noticed that an envelope had been slid under his door. "Oh, I wonder what this could be," he wondered, walking over and picking it up. Upon opening the envelope, he grinned as wide as his face would allow him. "Oh dear, it seems Spongebob's funeral is today."

"Are you going?" Ryuk asked him as he floated down through the ceiling. "It was you who killed him after all."

"Of course I'm going, you fool," Squidward told him, as though he'd been asked a stupid question. "Like him or hate him – in this case, hate – I need to at least appear and look sad. That will ensure that I don't look suspicious, compared to all the other brainless fools in Bikini Bottom."

Ryuk had to laugh at this. "Ohhhhhh, so superior. Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

"Eargh, I wish you wouldn't laugh like that."

"And I wish you'd get less ugly."

"That's my line."

"Then why didn't you say it first?"

The heated exchange was followed by a brief silence, followed by simultaneous laughter from both.

"Heh heh," Squidward chuckled. "Ryuk … I think this is the beginning of a very _ugly_ friendship." He crossed to his desk, pulled out the Death Note and opened it to a fresh page.

"You're going to kill someone else?" Ryuk ventured his guess, sitting down on the sofa.

Squidward looked at him with a clever, yet sinister gleam in his eye. "You have no idea."

_Heh heh heh_, Ryuk thought in amusement. _This guy is even more amusing than Light. He has _reasons_ for killing, and I think I like what's going on._

* * *

The next day, Squidward woke up at once again at the new usual time of 9:30 AM, feeling very pleased with himself. He took off his nightcap and looked out the window. Opening the window and taking a deep breath in, he watched the activity going on outside. Police cars were driving along the road, stopping at every house on the block, which happened to be just three. "Looks like another … productive day." He saw a fish in a suit with black hair get back in the car and move on to the next house, Squidward's house. "Well, can't keep my visitor waiting," he said as he took off his pajamas and pulled on his best shirt.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, as if on queue, there was a knock at the door. Making sure the Death Note was in the drawer in his desk, he strode right to the door, but not before throwing a "No lip," Ryuk's way before he was within earshot of his visitor.

"Good morning, Mr. Tentacles," his well–dressed visitor greeted him curtly, without wasting any time. "I'm Inspector Rayfish Penbertrout. I'd like to ask you a few questions pertaining to a recent crime committed in this neighborhood."

"Oh dear, I had no idea there were such atrocities afoot. Please, come in, Inspector." He led Penbertrout into his living room. "May I pull you up a chair or something?"

"No, I don't have much time here. There's much to be done," he said bluntly. "I trust you are aware of the death of your neighbor, Spongebob Squarepants?"

"Yes sir," Squidward sighed, sitting down in his desk chair. "Darn shame. Stabbed through the brain with a skewer. It's a pity I couldn't have been there. I could have stopped it from happening."

"No, there was nothing you could have done," Penbertrout said, taking out a small book of pocket notes. "He seemed to be really obsessed with getting you your job back."

"Wow," Squidward said, acting surprised. "I'm surprised he cared so much. Yeah, Mr. Krabs fired me that morning, and when Spongebob heard the news, he ran straight to the Krusty Krab to talk some sense into Mr. Krabs. Like that money–grubbing crustacean ever listens to reason."

"Uh … huh," Penbertrout scribbled a few notes in his notebook.

"My guess is they got into a fight and Krabs hit Spongebob with a skewer right in his brain, the only thing that could actually _kill_ a sea sponge."

"Interesting. Interesting." He pointed his pen at Squidward. "Mr. Tentacles, you've been very informative, but I'm afraid you've misunderstood me."

"Uh, I what now?"

"I'm wondering if you've seen the body in question."

"The – the – the – the body." Squidward now looked totally freaked out. "Why? What happened?"

"Well," the detective paused and flipped a few pages. "I'm afraid your other neighbor, Patrick Star has absconded with the body."

"What now? He ran away … with the body?" One of Squidward's eyes was half–shut and twitching violently.

"Yes, unfortunately. Early last night, Mr. Squarepants' family was making preparations when Mr. Star ran into the house, took the coffin with Mr. Squarepants in it and made off with it."

"Huh, the house?"

"Yes, for some reason the Squarepants family decided to have the funeral in his backyard, so that he … 'could be with Patrick and Squidward forever and ever'."

_I can't believe I'm not barfing right now_, Squidward forced a smile.

"I don't suppose," he went on, "that you would have any information on Mr. Patrick Star, seeing as you are his neighbor.

Squidward sunk into his chair and looked up at the ceiling. "Well, Mr. Penbertrout, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but only a barnacle–head would have a hard time finding Patrick Star."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, sure. That starfish is so brain–dead, he can never answer a simple yes or no question, let alone make any remotely intelligent decisions. I mean, just the other day, he threw his trash all over me and called it 'taking out the trash.' Other people practically have to make his decisions for him. All one has to do is make a simple 'Why don't you …' suggestion to make him do whatever you want. If you ask me, he's probably got Spongebob's coffin with him at home, right under that rock out there."

He crossed to the window and indicated the round, brown rock lying next to his own house.

"He lives under a rock?" Penbertrout said, mildly surprised.

"Well, I don't like to judge people very much, but it seems befitting, seeing as the rock is probably more intelligent than he is."

"Right. Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr. Tentacles," the detective told him as he made for the door. "Oh, one last thing," he said, turning around suddenly. "You don't seem to be very fond of your neighbor, Patrick, and other folks I've spoken to have said that you were never very fond of Mr. Squarepants either. Anything to say about this?"

"Well, first of all, I understand that what I've said may make me seem suspicious, but even though those two, Patrick and Spongebob have been the bane of my existence and have filled my life with nothing but torment since they came to live in Bikini Bottom, I would never willingly kill anyone, nor coerce anyone into committing a crime. The innocent have nothing to hide, sir, so you may come back with a warrant to search my house for evidence if you wish."

"IIIIIII don't think that will be necessary," he put his pocket notes away.

"Although personally, I recommend getting a search warrant for Patrick's home. That's where he hides everything he takes from others, thinking they're his own. I've found my clarinet several times in his living room. He thought it was a funny–looking butt–scratcher and took it from my house on more than one occasion."

"Oh, well I'll get right on that. You've been very compliant, Mr. Tentacles. I'd like to thank you."

"Oh, it was my pleasure, sir. Here, let me get that for you," he opened the door as Penbertrout made his exit. "Good luck finding Spongebob's body. Oh, and you might want to wear a gasmask when you search Patrick's house. He's a huge slob!" He closed the door, and took a deep breath of relief.

"Well, how'd you like my acting?" Squidward grinned at Ryuk, who had fallen asleep on the couch. _Oh great, he's fallen asleep_.

"Ha ha, fool," the shinigami opened his big mouth and laughed. "Shinigami don't ever sleep. Your acting was so boring I felt like trying it. How'd I do?"

"Sucked. But forget that. Time for step two." He crossed to his desk and opened the Death Note. _Time to finish off Patrick's little show._

* * *

As Rayfish Penbertrout returned to his car, he pulled out his cell phone, dialed a 12–digit number and put the phone to his ear. "I have a lead … Yes, it's from the neighbor, Squidward Tentacles … Yes sir, Mr. Fish, he seemed a bit suspicious … I agree. This will call for further investigation."

* * *

They say everyone has a double somewhere, but who thought Raye Penber's would a fish? And who is this "Mr. Fish" he has made contact with?

**Feel free to review with your theories. Let me see what you guys think!**


	8. Murder 6: The Funeral

Things have been drawn out long enough. Now it's time to get things going. It's time to put Spongebob to rest … the way Stephen Hillenburg never could … because he could never bring himself to end Spongebob's life, being the creator of the show. Anyway, I digress. A little jump has taken place. In the day preceding this chapter, Spongebob's body was recovered and Patrick arrested thanks to our new friend – or enemy, depending on how you look at him – Rayfish Penbertrout, and the funeral is back on. Now let's get this thing over with. Squidward has better things to do. _I'll_ see to that!

**Updated and edited for mistakes: 11/15/2012**

* * *

The Funeral: Step Three Set In Motion

Squidward awoke the next morning at the sound of the newspaper hitting his front door. "Ahh, right on time," he said, looking at his clock. "8 o'clock on the dot." He pulled off his pajamas and put on his usual brown shirt and walked downstairs.

"You seem to be in high spirits this morning," Ryuk inferred as he followed Squidward into his living room and up to the door.

"Do I? Well, I guess I can attribute that to everything going according to plan," the self–absorbed squid spoke softly. He opened the door and picked up the newspaper. "Ah, just as I thought. Patrick has been arrested and the funeral is back on for today at 11. Nice. This'll give me that excuse to wear my special suit." _ But first …_

He walked over to his desk and opened the Death Note. _Time to put the finishing touches on Step Two: the death of Patrick Star._ "I've been leading Patrick around like a dog on a leash for the past two days. It's time to bring the curtain down on that moronic pinhead."

"You've been dragging this on for so long, adding stuff to his entry in the Death Note little by little. Are you finally going to finish him off?"

"Yes," was Squidward's answer. "I've been cooking up this process ever since I killed Spongebob, because as much of a troublemaker as Spongebob was, Patrick was twice as bad, because more than half the time, he was enabling Spongebob's antics on top of his own. Did you actually think it was a coincidence the funeral is today?"

"Huh?"

"That's right, you freak of nature," Squidward pointed straight at Ryuk's bewildered expression. "Everything has gone according to my whim. After the funeral today, Spongebob Squarepants' parents will meet their end in a family suicide, so it says in here … having been written by me the same day as Spongebob's death. Such and such … 'Overcome by grief at putting their son in the ground' … such and such '… will retreat to the place others are least expected to discover them and kill themselves in the most painless way they can think of.'"

"Awfully kind of you, having them die painlessly," Ryuk smiled in an amused way.

"Does it surprise you?" Squidward casually asked his deathly stalker. "It shouldn't. After all, once you get to know me, I'm not all _that_ bad."

* * *

The graveyard where the funeral was to take place was beside a hill with a tall, shady tree. Apparently, the parents of the deceased decided to move the funeral to another location after the recent theft of the corpse. As Squidward looked down broodingly at the people assembling at the gathering area near the pit that had been prepared for Spongebob's coffin, having been rescued the previous day by Inspector Penbertrout from the sandy basement of Patrick Star. Among them, Pearl Krabs, Mermaid Man & Barnable Boy, and Sandy Cheeks. Even Larry the lobster was there to say good–bye to his friend.

"No lip, I'm going," he whispered to Ryuk as he stepped down from the hill and sat down in the front, Ryuk following close behind.

* * *

As the minister gave the eulogy to celebrate Spongebob's life, tears flowed down Squidward's face. As he watched, Ryuk couldn't believe what he was witnessing … until he saw a small container of special eye drops in Squidward's coat pocket. _Eye drops to make your eyes water. Heh. Nice._

Then, it was time for the friends of the deceased to say their final farewells. Sandy went up first. "He was the cutest, nicest little critter I'd ever met," the squirrel said somberly. "His karate chops were second only to mine. I don't think I'll ever find another sparring partner as good as him …" That was the last thing she said before running off, unable to hold back her tears.

Squidward went up next. _Here goes nothing_, he thought. "Ahem," he said as he reached the podium. "Spongebob may not have been the best friend I could have had … but he was a nice guy. He meant well, but I never welcomed his advances. I see now that I made … a mistake rejecting him. But I think you all have a right to know why our friend isn't still with us now," he told the small crowd, who listened hard.

"A few days ago, I was wrongfully fired from my job at the Krusty Krab. Normally, I wouldn't have minded that much, but when Spongebob heard the news, he rushed to the Krusty Krab where he got into a fight with Mr. Krabs, who … stabbed Spongebob in the brain with a skewer."

The crowd gasped. "No wonder my Daddy isn't here," Pearl exclaimed in shock. "He killed Spongebob!"

"I knew that old crab had a few screws loose in his head," Larry said in disgust. "I say we go and skewer him. See how he likes it!"

"No, that's not something we should be saying here … at Spongebob's funeral," Squidward interrupted. "Spongebob wouldn't want us to be talking such smack about Mr. Krabs, who he felt so fond of, and loved like a second father. I say we hit him where it hurts the most! He took what was important to us: Spongebob. So I say we take what's most important to him: his money!" Squidward's words were met with approval.

"I, Squidward Tentacles, pledge at this time, 11:24 AM, on this day, August 15th, 2010, that I will sue Eugene Krabs for everything he owns, for taking Spongebob out of our lives!" As he said this, a cement truck backed up and began filling the grave with cement to prevent future theft of the body.

The crowd roared with approval. Ryuk was in stitches. _Can't call this a funeral anymore_. But his thoughts were interrupted when a torrent of screaming and sobbing filled the air.

Patrick Star, still dressed in his striped prison garb, came charging into the graveyard and hurled himself into the hole. As everyone watched in confusion, the bawling starfish was covered in cement and was buried alive along with his late best friend.

"Whoa, didn't see that coming," Squidward said in feigned confusion as the cement truck finished pouring its load.

"Aren't we going to get him out of there?" Sandy asked, still shocked at the turn of events.

"Are you joking?" Barnacle Boy spluttered. "He was obviously trying to steal the body again, just like before."

"Are you sure, Barnacle Boy?" Mermaid Man questioned his "young charge."

"Well, of course I'm sure, you old coot! Once a criminal, always a criminal."

As everyone talked, Squidward walked quietly out of the graveyard, smiling evilly. _Step Two: Kill Patrick Star is complete_.

* * *

"Wow," Ryuk said in amusement, as they got back to Squidward's place. "You sure got everyone on your side. But are you really gonna go up against that guy, Krabs?"

"Pffft," Squidward dismissed his question. "Please! And I thought you were clever, Ryuk. I'm not going to bother to sue Krabs when I can just use the Death Note to get what I want from – OH! Wait, that's right! I'M ALREADY DOING THAT! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"You're already doing that?" Ryuk scratched his head. "But when did you do that?"

"Don't you remember?" Squidward grinned at him. "That morning Krabs fired me? Before I made the call I wrote two entries in the Death Note: one for Spongebob, and one for Mr. Krabs. As soon as I wrote in that book, it was already set in motion."

"Huh?"

"That's right, Ryuk!" Squidward pointed at him. "Steps One through Three have been in motion since before Mr. Krabs fired me. In fact, I _made_ him fire me. It's all been part of the big plan!" He pointed to his head.

As he walked to his desk, he continued to ramble. "I made Mr. Krabs kill Spongebob. Then I made Patrick steal the body and hide it under his rock, then break out of prison and commit suicide when he threw himself into Spongebob's grave. As for Spongebob's parents … collateral damage. Sacrifices are necessary in order to reach a goal."

_Just like Light used to say_, Ryuk thought as he gritted his sharp teeth, feeling greatly entertained. "This is getting good."

"Heh heh heh," Squidward laughed. "This is just about to get interesting." He scribbled a large paragraph in the Death Note, closed the book and headed to his bedroom to go to sleep. "Got to get up early tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

"Because old Eugene Krabs is about to have a change of heart."

* * *

Didn't I tell you? Squidward's not so dumb after all is he? He might just be the envy of a certain genius schemer whom we all know and love.

You like? **Then please REVIEW.**


	9. Murder 7: Step Three

Well, it's been a long time coming. A month and half, hasn't it been? Well, I've been contemplating this chapter and all it entails for a while, plus reading through the rules of the Death Note, taking every step in this whole process into account and adjusting for certain things, and it's time for Squidward to bring the next part of his grand scheme into the light.

**Edited and updated: 11/29/2012**

* * *

Step Three: Payoff

The next morning, Squidward's phone rang at 7:45 on the dot. But instead of waking up angry, his face was smiling like the sun. The squid couldn't keep from grinning from ear to ear as he picked up the phone. "Hello, Squidward Tentacles speaking … Ah, Eugene it's you! How's the family? … Oooh, Pearl's not talking to ya? Well, don't worry about that. She's a teenager – they all go through that phase … NO! Really? You're doing all the work at the Krusty Krab yourself? … _You're hemorrhaging money with minimal profits?!_ Now that _is_ a tragedy."

Even though Squidward was speaking with a frown on his face, he smirked nice and big every time Mr. Krabs spoke. It was the most amusing thing ever to hear Krabs crying his eyes out over losing his money because he had thrown away his only two employees – no, the only two people desperate or dumb enough to work for him. Ryuk, who was sitting in the corner, couldn't help but laugh. _He might even be better than Light_.

"What's that? You want me back at the Krusty Krab? _Today?!_" he said in feigned surprise. "Well, I don't know. I have so much on my plate already. I'm not sure I can – What's that? … You'll actually _pay_ me to work for you this time? One day off a week?! You mean you're changing your typical practice of charging your workers to get their jobs? Well, you've changed my mind. I'll be there in a half hour." He hung up the phone and walked into his bathroom. When he saw Ryuk looking at him, he laughed. "Didn't I tell you?"

Ryuk could only laugh as the confident squid closed the bathroom door and turned on the bath. _I was right. Sea creatures are so much _fun.

* * *

One week later, on his one day off that week, Squidward couldn't complain about the way things were going. He had his job back, something to do from morning 'til night, and he'd gotten back into the perfect position to initiate Step Three of his plan, because when he had written Krab's name in the Death Note, he hadn't just included the conditions that he fire Squidward, kill Spongebob, and then give Squidward his job back.

There was only one thing bothering him. For the last two weeks, every apple in Squidward's refrigerator had disappeared almost immediately after he bought them.

On the morning of August 12th, he went down to his kitchen to get an apple to start the day right, but he when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw Ryuk hunched over by the fridge, raiding it with a vengeance. "Hey! What are you doing to my food?!"

"Huh?" Ryuk looked up with a whole apple in his mouth and one in each hand.

"I just bought those yesterday, and they cost a whole week's salary!" he steamed, walking through the ghostly shinigami and looking into the fridge. "What? Not one left?! What are you, a garbage disposal?!"

He straightened up just in time to see Ryuk swallow the last apple whole.

"H–HEY! Gimme that!" he snapped and reached straight through Ryuk's stomach and took the last apple right out of his gut, perfectly intact.

"Whoa!" Ryuk cried, shocked. _I didn't know he could do that!_

"Wow," Squidward thought out loud, looking at the apple. "I'm surprised that actually worked."

"Uh–oh," Ryuk whispered when he saw Squidward's livid face. "Uh, I can explain." He held up his hands in his own defense.

"Oh, I can't wait to hear this one," Squidward shot back, getting comfortable in his easy chair. "Fire away."

"Well, you see," Ryuk said nevously, tapping his pointers against one another. "Apples are for me … what smoking and drinking are for others – I'm totally addicted."

"But why apples?"

"Apples in this world are really juicy, and these are the juiciest apples I've ever had. I guess being underwater makes it all the more satisfying. _Sooooooooo juicy!_ In the Shinigami World, the apples are practically made of sand. Disgusting. But I've been eating them for so long, I just can't stop. I even get _withdrawal_ symptoms!"

"Hmmmm," Squidward raised an eyebrow. "What kind?"

"My – my body gets twisted up like a pretzel, I do handstands – IT'S NOT PRETTY!"

"You know, I might enjoy seeing that," Squidward muttered under his breath. "I'll save it for ammo when I need it."

"HEY! Don't get any ideas!" Ryuk pointed at him. "Or I'll right your name in _my_ Death Note."

"If you do that, you'll never get another of your precious 'juicy' apples again, because if you hadn't already guessed, anyone in Bikini Bottom aside from me would probably die of a heart attack just from seeing that ugly face of yours. So if you want your apples, you'd better do as I say."

"Uh … uh," Ryuk hesitated, his hand just inches from his own Death Note that was strapped to his hip.

"Now," Squidward continued, walking over to his desk and pulling the Death Note from the bottom drawer. "It's time to end this charade as the Krusty Krab's mild–mannered cashier." He scribbled a few short paragraphs under Eugene Krabs' name and death details. "Now begins the countdown to the big payoff!"

"Oooooh," Ryuk said, looking over his shoulder. "So _that's_ why you kept everybody's death so drawn out. Except for those first two you used as a test of the book's powers, you've been making their deaths not happen for a while on purpose so you could add details regarding the circumstances leading up to the deaths as time went on?"

"Yep. As long as the death happens as planned, anything goes. As long as the death happens within 23 days, I can do whatever I want with them over the course of those days. And in Mr. Krabs' case, it will be especially satisfying."

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you see the cause of death I wrote?" Squidward shoved the Death Note in Ryuk's face.

"Oooooh!" he said quickly.

"That's right," Squidward sneered. "When I first picked up the Death Note, I hacked into the Bikini Bottom Hospital's system and checked Mr. Krabs' medical records and found that he was diagnosed with brain cancer two months ago. That crustaceous cheapskate has never paid for health care or health insurance in his life. With a little deception, I learned that he was due to enter Stage 4 just over a week ago."

"So you're going to have him die of cancer in 9 days? So how does that amount to a big payoff."

"_That_ comes next," he sneered with a light cackle. "Because tonight, Mr. Krabs will write his will before taking a turn for the worse in his sleep."

Squidward sat back in his chair and laughed – loud, long, and loathingly. The entire time, Ryuk's face was highlighted by a huge, toothy grin and glowing red eyes. _This is so much fun!_ Then he joined Squidward's psychotic laugh with his own.

* * *

The next morning came, and as expected, a letter was slipped under his door informing him of the death of Mr. Eugene Krabs. As he read the letter, the same evil smile Ryuk used to see on Light Yagami spread across Squidward's face. "HAH! Didn't I tell you, Ryuk? Didn't I tell you?!"

"So I take it your plan worked?"

"_Worked_?" Squidward echoed. "Before this day is out, you brain dead freak, I'll be the second wealthiest man in Bikini Bottom."

"Second? H–Hey, who are you calling a freak?!"

_Heh. Funny, he didn't deny being called brain dead!_ Squidward snickered to himself and he sat in his desk chair. "Yes, there is only one man in bikini bottom who has always one upped me at every turn. His name is Squilliam Fancyson, and he's always been better than me in everything." He slowly spun the chair around to face Ryuk with a sinister smile on his face. "But not for long."

* * *

Squidward has reared his ugly head and released the evil genius I always knew he had buried within him. What will he have in store for his old rival Squilliam? You'll just have to find out!

Until then ... **FEEL FREE TO REVIEW!**


	10. Murder 8: Step Four Underway

I am a wee bit confused here. It seems some of my beloved readers have been under the impression that I might abandon this story. This is completely unfounded, as I would never abandon my readers – at least not until the story is complete. Heh. But in all seriousness, this story is coming closer to the conclusion.

**Edited and updated: 11/29/2012**

* * *

Step Four Underway

It had only been a matter of days after Squidward received his "inheritance" from the late money–hoarder Eugene Krabs and temporarily closed the Krusty Krab for "renovations," and already he found himself growing bored. He had had the fanciest home designer in Bikini Bottom completely redo his home, he had all the money he could ever want, but still the self–absorbed squid wasn't satisfied.

He took a deep breath in and sighed. Looking out the window from where he sat in his modest parlor room … that was filled with paintings and busts – all of himself of course – upon his finest velvet armchair by an extravagantly decorated fireplace. "I'm bored. So much money …" _And yet, nothing to do with it._

"Man …" Ryuk said in exhaustion as he stretched his shoulders in frustration. "How many times have I heard you say that? You haven't used the Death Note to kill anyone all week. You're getting lazy. You promised me entertainment!" he poked and prodded at Squidward's head, only to have his hand pass right through it. _I thought this would be fun, or at least interesting, but it's gotten more boring than watching those other lazy shinigami gamble with each other over and over again_.

"Heh. Don't you remember, Ryuk?" Squidward heaved another sigh. "You can't touch me and I can't touch you. Besides, I've run out of people to kill." _This isn't right. I should be happy with this life, but something's missing. Plus, I need something to keep this cash flow going._ He put his tentacle to his chin and scratched it pensively.

"Why don't you just kill someone else the way you did with that old crab?" Ryuk suggested, drifting close to Squidward's head.

After thinking for a moment, Squidward removed the bubble pipe from his mouth, stood up and walked to the window. "No … no, that wouldn't do. I was already cutting it close with Mr. Krabs with that method."

"What do you mean?"

"I was able to kill off Mr. Krabs and get all his money because I was his only cashier. Whereas with Squilliam, if I'm careless I'll end up killing myself if, say, I was to accidentally write both our names in the same entry. No, I'll need to do something else.

"In fact," he said after a brief pause, as if a bell had gone off in his head. "I think I know how to beat Squilliam in money production instead of just killing him and taking his fortune."

As he put down his pipe, Ryuk suddenly swooped down in front of him and told the surprised squid with a big smile ringed with razor sharp teeth, "You know, the last owner of the Death Note before you figured that out, too."

"Huh, really?"

"Yessss," the death god hissed in a loud laugh. "It took him much longer to figure it out, though. And _he_ was a genius."

"Hm," Squidward chuckled arrogantly as he began to pace around the room, thinking pensively. "Well, I've never really figured myself a genius in fields beyond art and music, but being called a genius at killing … it almost feels like you're insulting me."

Venturing a look outside a window, he saw a familiar figure below. It was Rayfish Pembertrout, the investigator who had paid him a visit a couple of weeks ago. _Hmm, what's he up to?_ He crossed to the window and looked out. The fish–in–black was talking to Sandy Cheeks down by the roadside. What they were discussing he could only imagine, but he had a feeling it was nothing good, as both were throwing occasional gestures dangerously close to being toward his home. Finally, Sandy left and headed home, but as he turned away from the window, Squidward saw Pembertrout take a long stare up at him from where he stood below. As their eyes met, only one thought made sense to Squidward: _There's no mistaking it. He's onto me … I can feel it._ "Well, I guess I'm not entirely out of people to kill, but I think I can bear to wait a while before I get to him. I've got bigger fish to fry." He stopped with a PING. "Fish to fry? Ah ha aha aha aha aha aha aha. Phew, I crack myself up," he wiped a tear from his eye.

He walked over to his desk, which he had not allowed the home designer to touch … beyond decking it out with expensive technology, including a new, voice–activated computer that could type as he spoke. "Ryuk."

"Yeah? What?" he hovered alongside.

"When it comes to my old buddy, Squilliam, I'd rather beat him first, _then_ kill him," he snickered as he sat down. "That's the way to best end this perfect scheme of mine. Computer, search for: quote: contact, end quote, comma, space, quote: Sheldon Plankton, end quote."

As the computer processed his request, Ryuk ventured his own request. "Who's this 'Sheldon'? A friend of yours?"

"No, not friend," Squidward replied with a crooked smile as his computer completed its search. "New business partner."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Squidward brought his bike out, having chosen a less conspicuous way to travel, Ryuk, as always, shadowing him closely not far behind. "Where are we going?" he asked Squidward. "And why aren't we taking your new limousine, huh?"

"That would arouse too much attention, idiot," Squidward said bluntly. "Where we're going, we want to arouse as little attention as possible."

"But you haven't answered my question, you dried up piece of calamari!" Ryuk hissed, now getting a little angry with his notebook's owner.

"Oh, shut up and I will," Squidward retorted, not scared in the slightest. "We're going to the most rundown eatery in Bikini Bottom history."

"Do they have apples?" Ryuk asked, now over his anger at the very mention of the possibility of food.

"Not unless they're covered in chum."

"What's chum?"

"The most disgusting thing you'll ever eat," Squidward smiled, imagining the spit take Ryuk would be doing if he ate Plankton's specialty.

"Then why are you going there?"

"To talk business, of course," was Squidward's answer.

* * *

Deep within the confines of his laboratory, Plankton sighed his tenth sigh of the day, the twentieth day in a row in which no one even cast an eye at his Chum Bucket. Now things were worse than ever within Eugene Krabs around to motivate him.

"Oh get off your lazy butt," his computer wife told him. "Your sighs are starting to get on my electronic nerves."

"Oh what's the use, Karen," the tiny villain groaned. "With that crustaceous goofball, Krabs dead and gone, life just seems so pointless. I still haven't gotten anywhere in life, the Chum Bucket is doomed to bankruptcy as it always has been. Nobody likes my cooking, and I'll never have the Krabby Patty formula, so I'll never sell one bit of food in my lifetime. Even in death, Krabs continues to mock me!" he made a fist and pounded in his tiny work desk. "What's the point of carrying on anyway?"

"Now what kind of talk is that?" Karen questioned her melancholy husband. "I don't want to become the first computer widow."

"Oh, come on, Karen. This isn't about you here. At least have some pity for me."

"You know, Plankton, this isn't always about you either. This is larger than you, especially in size."

"Oh, a height joke? That's fair," he retorted under his breath.

"Oh, I should have listened to my mother," the huge supercomputer groaned.

* * *

"But I still don't get it," Ryuk told Squidward for the fifth time as he parked his bike outside the Chum Bucket. "If this guy's food sucks, why are you bothering with him?"

"Because I think it's time he got what he's worked for," Squidward told him for the second time. "You're not too bright are you?"

"You're looking pretty tasty right about now," the death god said to him in a very threatening tone. "I'll tell you this: these sharp teeth aren't just for show."

"What I'm saying is," Squidward replied as calmly as ever. "Plankton has been trying for years to get the Krabby Patty formula, which I 'inherited' when I killed Mr. Krabs. I'd been working for Krabs for years, myself, and never got anywhere because of that crab with money–on–the–brain, so I think it's time he and I both got our dues.

"Ryuk, Step Four of my plan is officially underway!"

* * *

As I said before, this fic is getting closer and closer to its conclusion, but I would still give it another three more chapters, maybe five more at the most. But I intend to give you guys a good show before Squidward's last hurrah. Trust me. And one last thing: Mr. Fish makes his first (and maybe last, if he's not careful) appearance in the next chapter.

**If there's something you wish to see before the end, don't be afraid to review or send me a PM. I will respond to your requests as best I can. I want the end to be gratifying to more than just myself!**


	11. Murder 9

It's been a long way coming for this story, and though it may not be as long as one of my other works, this story is NOT over yet. So don't let anybody tell you otherwise, you guys got that? With my new job just getting started, I'm getting less time to write, and these days, my oldest and most successful fic has been getting all the attention from me recently, but I have not forgotten this one, oh no.

It's time for the next phase of Squidward's plan to get underway, but first, he needs to secure himself a source of income, and more importantly, a gullible pawn in his scheme. Let's see how it turns out for him.

By the way, I know the title is going to be cheesy, but try and bear with we.

**Edited and updated: 11/29/2012**

* * *

The Fellowship of the Patty

Plankton was about to go mad with grief when the door to the Chum Bucket was pushed open, and the alarm went off. He had set it to alert him whenever a customer came in, and what better than an alarm to shock him out of his manic state.

"Huh? Whuh? Who's there?!" he cried as he snapped out his state of madness. He checked the security camera, and his eye nearly jumped out of his head/body. "A CUSTOMER!" he laughed. "I knew they wouldn't be able to resist for too long! After all … WE'RE THE ONLY FAST FOOD RESTAURANT IN TOWN!" he screamed frantically as he rushed to the kitchen. Moments later, he came charging out to meet his first customer in months.

"Good morning, sir. What can I interest you in today?" he reached behind his back and pulled out several plates. "Chum on a Stick? Chum Balls? Chum on a Bun? Come on, what can I –" Then he realized who his customer was. "Oh. It's you."

"Nice to see you too, Sheldon," Squidward smiled down at him. "Still trying to sell that old garbage?"

"Well, it's not like I have any other choices!" Plankton threw away the plates of chum and hung his antennae. "Without the Krabby Patty formula, I'm sunk.'

"You were sunk from the beginning," Squidward said bluntly. "I thought you said you went to college. You should have seen this coming yourself."

"Don't you know? I went to college for science, not business."

"Neither did Mr. Krabs. He didn't even go to college at all. It's a wonder he even graduated High School."

"You mean he did?" Plankton looked up. "I thought he flunked kindergarten, he had money on his mind so much of the time." Squidward had to laugh at this.

"Plankton, let's sit down," Squidward picked him up and carried him over to an empty table. "We have something to discuss."

"Discuss what?" the diminutive Plankton asked as he was set down on the table.

"A business partnership," Squidward said, sitting down and holding a scroll in front of him. When it unraveled, Plankton's eyes lit up and he started panting like a dog.

"The Kr – Kr – Kra – Kra– Kra–"

"The Krabby Patty secret formula," Squidward finished his words with a squint and a sneer. Unseen and unheard to Plankton, and unheard, Ryuk began to laugh crazily, pacing about as he continued to snicker uncontrollably.

* * *

Outside the Chum Bucket, two blocks down the road, a boat was parked along the road, and a smartly–dressed fish stepped out. Reaching into his suit, he took out a cell phone and dialed a long number. "I'm only two blocks away, sir. Why can't I go in and arrest him right now?"

"Because we don't know if it's really him yet, Ray," a voice full of confidence sounded from the earpiece. "Once we've confirmed he is involved, we can bring him in, but not before. You understand?!"

The fish took a deep breath. "Very well, but I still think waiting like this is a bad idea." He hung up, got back into his boat, and drove away. _I know it's you, Squidward Tentacles. I don't see why Mr. Fish wants to wait any longer. Sometimes I question how he became a detective in the first place._

* * *

"And those are my terms, Sheldon," Squidward concluded, setting the contract on the table in front of Plankton. "Take it, or leave it."

"Are you nuts?" he asked the cephalopod. "Well, are ya? I've been waiting for this moment my entire career! Hell yes, I'm taking it." He grabbed his gigantic pen and scribbled his name on the dotted line.

"Hm? It's surprisingly legible," Squidward observed, holding up the contract to read the name.

"Yes, well, when you've been small as long as I have, you figure out how to handle bigger things than you. How do you think I handle Karen?"

"I heard that, you know!" Plankton's computer wife interrupted. "And besides, it's me that handles you most of the time. Don't forget that … Sheldon," she snickered, still not able to get over his first name.

"Oh, be quiet, Karen. The men are talking," he turned back to Squidward. "Pleasure doing business with you, Squi–, I mean, Mr. Tentacles."

"The pleasure is all mine, Plankton," Squidward shook his hand. "And with this, the Fellowship of the Patty is born."

"'Fellowship of the Patty'?" Plankton echoed. "Are you _serious_? You'd better stick to what you're already doing. Goodness knows you're not good at coming up with names like that. Tell you what: leave the brains to me, and just stick to the business aspect of this deal."

"Have it your way, partner," Squidward smiled in feigned amusement as he turned to walk out, a very wicked grin on his face.

Ryuk followed him, laughing his head off. _This is getting gooooood! I think there might just be some of Light in him!_

"So, I guess you accomplished what you came for in there, huh?" Ryuk asked once they were outside.

"Quiet," Squidward commanded. "I get the feeling we're being watched."

* * *

"I knew it," Plankton sniggered, rubbing his hands together as he watched the security feed from his laboratory. "I knew there was something behind Squidward's new attitude, not to mention his sudden stroke of good fortune."

"What do you mean?" Karen inquired curiously. "He's just talking to himself."

"Wrong, Karen," Plankton told her. "He NOT talking to himself. I'm going to find out _who_ or _what_ he's talking to, and when I do, he'll regret the day he decided to try and manipulate Sheldon J. Plankton, Jr," but before he could start his evil laugh. Karen started to laugh again.

"Junior!" she laughed between snorts and attempt to hold back her laughter.

"Oh, why did I decide to give her emotions?" Plankton asked himself as he turned off the lights and left the building for the day.

* * *

There you have it. Squidward and Plankton's partnership has been sealed, but it seems each of them has a scheme up his sleeve for the other. What will become of this "Fellowship" of theirs?

And what are Pembertrout and Mr. Fish planning? What "move" will Mr. Fish make, and will it be clever enough to catch Squidward in the act of murder? You'll find out soon enough.

**Note:** There will only be either 2 – 3 chapters left in this fic, so this is your last chance to tell me if you want to see something happen or a certain someone die before this all comes to an end. **Just Review or PM if you have a suggestion!**


	12. Murder 10

Hello all! I hope everybody had a nice Thanksgiving weekend and safe Black Friday. It's coming down to the wire here. Mr. Fish is about to be revealed, and Squidward is about to walk into the very same situation that Light once did.

**Edited and updated: 11/29/2012**

* * *

Mr. Fish's Move, Squidward's Gambit

With a satisfied grin on his face, Squidward parked his bike outside his house and as he walked to the door Ryuk stuck his face by Squidward's ear.

"You know, you're being followed again," he hissed. "I'm just telling you because I have issues about feeling like I'm the one being shadowed."

"Ironic," Squidward observed. "Someone who's always shadowing me has no right to complain about being shadowed." He reached for the doorknob and as he pulled open the door, he used that as a reason to look around. "It's that Rayfish or whatever his name was again."

He went inside and pulled the door closed. "No matter. He has nothing on me, and I'm going to see to it that he never does."

He went upstairs to his study, crossing to his wall safe. "You're going to kill him?" Ryuk inquired, once again stating the obvious, as Squidward removed the Death Note from the large safe and opened to a fresh page.

"Do you have to ask the same question every time?" he looked back at his Shinigami partner as he clicked a pen and scrawled four large words:

**_Rayfish Pembertrout_**

**_Instant Death_**

"'Instant death'?" Ryuk read over Squidward's shoulder. "Can't you come up with something more original?"

"Everyone's a critic," Squidward grouched as he went over to his desk and switched on his wall–sized television. "Must you always have a comment for everything?"

"Not my fault you're an idiot," Ryuk sniggered snidely.

"Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who follows him?" was Squidward response as he continued to flip through channels until he came to the Bikini Bottom News Channel. It seemed only yesterday that he watched the report on the tragic deaths of King Neptune and the Tattle Tail Strangler, and then Spongebob, Patrick and Eugene Krabs, and now there was something similar being reported.

"We are receiving a startling report from outside 305 Conch Street! It seems a car has crashed into a truck not far from Downtown Bikini Bottom. Wait … wait a minute. This just in: the driver of the car has been found dead at the wheel. Police have evicted the body from the vehicle and are currently searching for identification so the victim's family can be informed."

Squidward watched this as though watching a comedic police drama. "Oh, they'll say anything on TV these days. What else is on?" He reached for the remote, but before he could wrap his tentacle hand around it, the TV suddenly changed channel on its own. The first thing he saw was a wooden desk, and the back of a large chair, with a tuft of messy black hair poking out over the top. _Oh great! Not more "Zeus the Guitar Lord!" That kid is getting more and more annoying!_ But just as Squidward was about to consider killing him, the chair slowly turned around.

The fish sitting in the chair was not the guitar-crazy kid who, as well as many others, he despised for ruining his public access show not-so-recently. Instead, it was a skinny, pale fish with messy black hair. Squidward was still wondering how this guy had hacked the TV station when the fish started to talk. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am L Fish."

Squidward snorted into his tentacle. "L Fish? Is that the name his mom gave him?!"

"I have recently caught on to the fact that there is a serial killer somewhere in Bikini Bottom. But this killer is not like any other killer. Oh no! This guy uses weird, mysterious ways to kill." L Fish was using dramatic hand gestures as he spoke, and Ryuk couldn't help but laugh at them. Squidward, on the other hand, was starting to sweat.

"I have launched an investigation to catch this murderous scum!" the fish banged on the desk with his fist passionately. "If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has information about this guy, call the number on your TV! That's 1-800-IAM-LFISH. Whoever helps me bring this guy in will be rewarded handsomely. Killer, if you are watching this, then I have one, and only one, warning. You have two choices: turn yourself in and accept your punishment, or wait for me to come and find you myself! Either way, the result will be the same!" Then the TV went black.

Squidward would have been biting his nails if he had any. Ryuk was laughing so hard he was kicking his feet in the air wildly. _I can't believe it! L even has a counterpart in the ocean! I wonder if he secretly kept a pet …_ he couldn't help thinking as he guffawed loudly.

Turning off the TV, Squidward started to pace back and forth around the large room. "How could this guy have tracked me down? And how could he know that these deaths are murders and not a string of accidents? I mean, every death until now was unnatural. Pembertrout was the only death that might not have seemed normal or coincidental. But the only way is if that guy was the most careful driver in Bikini Bottom and suddenly had an accident, and even so, that couldn't be enough to convince him that they're murders and not accidents."

Ryuk was laughing even harder now. _This L Fish is either a super genius, or a really lucky idiot._

Squidward shook his head to clear it. "No. No! Get your head on straight, Squidward! This guy is either really smart or really stupid, but that doesn't mean this can't still turn out well for me. In fact, until I found this Death Note, nothing ever turned out well for me."

"I'll have to ask you for some highlights, then," Ryuk cackled in his mocking way.

Ignoring his less–than–conscientious housemate, Squidward stood up and paced about the room. "What do I do? I could just use the Death Note and kill him –" he stopped midsentence and gasped loudly, " … but what if that wasn't the real him? What if it was just a stand in?! What am I gonna do? WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOOO?!" he held his head and sunk into the sofa with his head buried in his lap. But his head just sprang up within a few seconds. "You know what? I'll just kill him and deal with whatever comes next when it does!"

He walked back over to his desk, picked up his pen and wrote a long sentence under Pembertrout's entry. Without bothering to turn on the TV to find out the results, he left the desk and headed to his bedroom to go to bed.

"What did you write?" Ryuk asked as he passed.

"Why don't you just open the book and find out?" Squidward returned his question.

"Nah, that's boring," he shrugged and followed the exhausted Squid out of his study.

"Then stop complaining like a big baby!"

Just as Ryuk was about to reach for his own Death Note, Squidward spoke again. "Or should I take away your apple budget for this month?" This nearly made Ryuk's eyes pop out.

"No! No need for that!" _Damn! He's just like Light. Always hitting me where it hurts!_

* * *

There will be two more chapters before this story ends, but please keep **reading** and keep **reviewing**! I want to know how this thing is going. **Don't stay silent!** I could use some encouragement, even though I AM about to end this one.


	13. Murder 11: No More Killing?

Just a quick, short update this time. My job has taken up most of my writing time recently, but I somehow found the time to get this one out in the last 24 hours.

**Edited and updated: 11/29/2012**

* * *

No More Killing?

That night, Squidward tossed and turned in his bed, trying to fall asleep in peace. Suddenly, he heard his bedroom door creak as it swung open. He slowly opened one eye and sat up. "Hey, who do you think you are? Barging into my room like – HUH?!" What walked into his room was not Ryuk or his butler, but old, gray, zombie versions of everyone he had killed. He yelped and pulled the covers up to his face.

"W – Wh – Wh – What?" he stammered. "No! You can't be here! I killed you. You're all supposed to be dead!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeees, Mr. Squidward," Mr. Krabs groaned in a slow voice. Youuuuu killlllllled ussss, and nooooow weeeeee're goinnnnnng to killllll youuuuu."

"Can you please stop with the slow talk? It's creeping me out!"

"Noooooooo weeeeeee caaaaaaaaaan't," Patrick droned, as if trying to sound like a ghost.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh," Spongebob mimicked Patrick as the Tattletale Strangler stretched his strangling rope.

And as their disgusting scab-encrusted hands got closer and closer, Squidward swore he saw someone familiar standing in the doorway, just glaring at him. The slouching figure snapped its fin–fingers, signaling all the zombies to converge on Squidward, who screamed louder and louder until everything went … bright.

* * *

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Squidward sprang up and screeched. He screamed so loud, he went hoarse in seconds, but not before his voice knocked Ryuk out of the air, causing him to fall to the floor with a "Waaa!"

For the next several minutes, he held his many knees to his chest and looked around frantically, as though expecting his nightmare to become a reality.

"Jeez, you look terrible," Ryuk groaned, picking himself up off the floor. _I haven't gotten a scare like that since L hit that tennis ball at me!_

"No more. No more. No more!" Squidward cried as he buried his head in his pillow. "I'll never kill again! Never again. Never!"

He didn't dare go back to sleep again that night. It wasn't just the zombie dream that worried him the most. It was the one controlling them that scared him the most.

* * *

The next chapter will be the last, so get ready for the end of another good fic!


	14. Murder 12: The Curtain Falls

Well, it's been a while coming, but it all must end here! Squidward is at the end of his rope, both emotionally and mentally. He's to drop the curtain on his own show.

It has been fun, and a pleasure writing this story to entertain you, my readers. So as promised, here it is! The Final Murder ...

**Edited and updated: 11/29/2012**

* * *

The Curtain Falls

By the morning, Squidward's eyes had the darkest circles under them from his terrified lack of sleep. No matter what he had tried to do, he could not shake the inescapable feeling of dread that his nightmare had induced. As he walked into his private study, he wasn't dressed in his normal fancy clothing, but his old clothing that he never wore anymore. He shakily picked up the remote and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until he got to the news station.

"– are still investigating the conditions behind the recent death of Bikini Bottom's only detective, L Fish, who died under strange circumstances yesterday. As though he were possessed by some kind of strange force, he ripped out his brainstem, ran out to the middle of the nearest four–way intersection to his location, and for some crazy reason, began to skip rope with it, before getting run down by an eighteen–wheel truck."

Squidward buried his face in his hands and began to mope. "Oh, I knew it!" he said as he slapped himself in the forehead. "I was hoping that L Fish wasn't his real name, but when I had that dream … that terrible dream … I just knew that he had died, too."

He looked at the safe where the Death Note was hidden. Turning the dial and pulling the heavy door open, he took the deadly notebook in his hand. "This notebook … has given me so many things that I thought I'd wanted. But the one thing it took, was the only thing I still had … my peace of mind," he spoke softly to himself, as if in regret.

"What do you mean?" Ryuk glided in, juggling several apples and catching them in his mouth. "Your life was practically a never–ending cycle of torment and depression. The Death Note gave you the power to end that cycle."

"Yeah, only to give rise to a cycle of fear!" Squidward shot back. "I'm even worse off now, Ryuk. I'll never kill again." He threw the notebook over his shoulder, sending it flying onto his desk.

Ryuk just laughed his maniacal laugh. "You claim you'll never kill again, but many people have claimed that, and they all succumbed to the notebook's irresistible nature. Once you kill someone, you can't help but feel compelled to kill again."

_Not if I destroy it!_ Squidward ran to his desk and opened a drawer. As Ryuk watched, Squidward took out a pair of scissors, but as he tried to put his tentacles into the holes, he found he couldn't use them. "DAMN THESE TENTACLES!" he screamed in frustration as Ryuk laughed another insane laugh.

* * *

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," Plankton laughed from deep within his laboratory. "Ever since I received the Krabby Patty formula from that sap, Squidward, my restaurant has flourished. The newly renamed 'Patty Bucket' is going to make me rich!" He went back into his maniacal laugh.

"That's true, Plankton," Karen agreed with her crazed husband. "But will this really make you happy? I mean, your old friend and business rival had to die for you to get that recipe."

"Are you kidding?" Plankton said angrily, remembering how his "business rival" had made his life miserable. "That crab's death was the best thing that could have happened, plus now I don't have that brain dead sponge and starfish to get in the way of my plans. This is the culmination of all my efforts, Karen. And now that I have this, the next step can begin."

"Annnnnnnnnnd? What's the next step?"

"Monopolizing the entire fast–food industry!" he climbed up on his desk and stepped on a button, opening the desk drawer and peering inside, laughing all the while.

* * *

By the turn of the week, Squidward's huge house had been reduced to what it once was: just an ordinary Easter Island Head. Everything expensive that he had owned had been donated to various charities and he had invested everything in the stock market, having gone with complete potluck. Now, he had little more than he started out with. He only had enough money to get him by, and the Death Note.

"Oh, come _on_ already!" Ryuk nagged him for tenth time in the last three days. "You haven't given me an apple in almost a week! I _neeeeeed_ apples! If you don't the symptoms will start."

"I already told you, I don't care anymore," he sulked. "I don't care if you kill me now – you'd be doing me a favor."

"Hmph! No point in doing it, then" Ryuk slumped against the wall. "That'll take all the fun out of it."

"You know, I wish I could just take it all back," Squidward looked up at the ceiling. "I even miss Spongebob and all the others. You know, even though they made my life miserable, I'd give almost anything to get them back. But I can't, so I just wish I could live my life without all these things haunting me forever."

"Would you like to forfeit ownership?"

"Huh?" he looked at Ryuk as though the Shinigami had asked the be–all, end–all question.

"What?" Ryuk looked at him. "Didn't I tell you? If you forfeit ownership of the notebook, you'll forget everything that has happened since you first picked it up, including killing all your friends."

Squidward smiled sadly, practically going limp where he lay on the couch. "You know, as crazy as that sounds, I'm just desperate enough to agree with that."

"So you're doing it, then?" the black Shinigami asked, wanting to confirm the squid's intentions.

"Yes," Squidward sighed. "I yield. Take your notebook back."

Ryuk stood up right away. "Well, I'll just take it, then. I guess I'll see you in Hell," he laughed as he reached into Squidward's desk and pulled out the Death Note.

"Rest assured," he said, gliding towards the door. "You'll never see me again." And then he laughed his crazed laugh as he fazed through the wall.

At that moment, Squidward's eyes rolled back and he passed out.

* * *

He awoke that evening in a daze. "Hey, what happened?" Then he realized where he was. "Why am I sleeping on the couch? It's not like I'm depressed over anything."

He went to his bedroom, changed into his pajamas, and picked up his alarm clock. "I'd better be on time tomorrow morning, or Mr. Krabs will kill me."

"Wait a minute," he said as he was about to get under the covers. "Something's missing," he tapped his forehead. "OH! Of course," he found his clarinet in the corner and laid it against his pillow as he "always" did. "Good night, Clarrie."

Those were the last words Squidward Tentacles spoke, as he would die peacefully in his sleep that night.

* * *

As Plankton stepped back onto his desk, he couldn't help laughing. "Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh," he chuckled as he looked behind him. "Didn't see that coming did ya?" he asked as he put down his oversized pen.

"Nope, not a bit," Ryuk said sarcastically, tossing an apple into his mouth. "If you didn't kill him, I would have. He was just pathetic."

"Wow, that's cold … I LIKE IT!" Plankton raved, closing up the Death Note and putting it back in his desk drawer, making sure to step on the desktop button to close it. He was so small, he could never do it on his own, and he didn't dare ask a Shinigami for a favor. "Ha ha ha! Ryuk, I think you and I are going to get along just great!"

"As long as you keep these apples flowing nice and plentiful," Ryuk added, pointing into his oversized mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, I gotcha," the diminutive villain picked another apple out of a crate and tossed it to him. "Lucky all the money from the restaurant goes to me now. With Squidward's death, all the liquid assets pertaining to this establishment defer to me. At last, I will have what I so rightfully deserve."

"By the way," Ryuk piped in, still munching on his apple. "How _did_ you get the Death Note from right under that squid's big, fat nose?"

"Oh, don't get him started," Karen rolled her digital eyes.

"Hidden camera show!" Plankton pulled out a miniature remote control and pointed it at Karen's screen. "Watch this!"

As the images flashed across the screen, Ryuk's eyes opened wide. "Oooooh!" he opened his mouth so wide, the remainder of his apple fell out, but he didn't even seem to notice. "So when he actually killed L Fish –"

"Eeeeyup," Plankton sneered, shadows hiding devious grin. "I saw the whole thing, so I just wrote what he wrote in the fake notebook I so devilishly crafted. Pretty clever, that cause of death. Heh heh. Regardless, he thought he was so smart, but he wasn't smart enough to realize that he was being watched. So when he gave it up, the ownership that book in the drawer automatically reverted to me. Then, there was no reason to keep him alive, and so fell the curtain. And now that I have _it_ and all the money from my little slice of heaven, it's time to initiate a hostile takeover of the fast food industry," he laughed. "_Very_ hostile. LAUGH WITH ME, RYUK! LAUGH WITH ME!"

Their maniacal laughter rang throughout the otherwise empty building and some say they could hear Plankton laughing miles away.

* * *

Once again, thank you all for sticking with me this whole time. Don't forget to **review!**

But don't think I'm quite done yet. My final part of this fic will be a list of entries that Squidward wrote in the Death Note. I'll get to it as soon as I can.

* * *

By now, you're all probably aware of the tragedy that was the shut down of MegaUpload. I, just like countless people around the globe, was hit hard by this, especially because of the fact that now nearly all online videos are gone.

Let us hope that things will improve in the future - this is nothing like what happened with Napster way back when. That was a ripple and this is a tidal wave in comparison. Keep your fingers crossed and keep watching the Internet for more information, whenever more becomes available. And don't forget to keep opposing SOPA and PIPA, or they'll kill the Internet!


	15. URGENT MESSAGE!

**This is an urgent message to all my loyal readers!**

**As most of you are probably aware, the US government is due to vote on the PIPA and SOPA bills soon. These bills will allow the government to personally regulate the Internet and its content to an unprecedented extent. Countless sites could be taken down indiscriminately, jobs will be compromised, the economy may suffer further, and the 2nd Amendment rights of people all over the world will be virtually null and void.**

**In addition to this, this fine site, Fan Fiction, just might be targeted as well by the government. That would be equivalent to taking away our literacy, our ability to read and write as we choose.**

**DON'T LET WHAT HAPPENED TO MEGAUPLOAD AND ALL ITS NON-INFRINGING USERS BE REPEATED!  
**

**THIS MUST NOT COME TO PASS, OR EVERYONE WILL REGRET IT LATER!**

**I URGE EVERYONE WHO READS THIS MESSAGE TO REACH OUT TO THEIR STATE REPRESENTATIVE(S) IN CONGRESS HOWEVER YOU CAN AND VOICE YOUR OPINIONS TO THEM!**

**DON'T LET SOPA OR PIPA PASS, OR AMERICA WILL BECOME THE WORLD'S MOST HATED COUNTRY, AND I DON'T JUST MEAN OTHER COUNTRIES WILL HATE US - WE WILL HATE US FOR ALLOWING IT!**

**Don't believe me? You have been warned!**

******This also stands for folks in other countries, such as Europe, whose EU Parliament is discussing ACTA. Don't let the freedoms of the Internet be a thing of the past!**


	16. Special Murders

I've kept you waiting long enough. Suffice to say, several things have been going on lately, and I haven't been able to do much writing at all in recent months.

These are all the entries Squidward wrote in the Death Note.

**Edited: 11/15/2012**

* * *

Butch Tattler, Heart Attack

At 11:50 PM on July 30th, 2010, he steals into the biggest residence in Atlantis, armed with nothing but a rope, and rings the doorbell. As the door opens, he begins to feel chest pains and tries to grab something to keep himself upright. Unable to stand any longer, he falls forwards, his rope wrapping around the only thing nearby and pulling it down with him, letting go of the rope, which gets tangled in the door handle. At 12:00 midnight, he dies from a heart attack, his rope still tied tightly around the object.

Poseidon Neptune, Accidental Death

At 11:55 PM on July 30th 2010, he wakes up to the sound of his doorbell. Feeling uneasy, he goes to the front door, but as he opens the door he feels something coil around his neck. He struggles to get loose, but gets pulled down by the sheer weight of the unseen assailant. On the way down, his head collides with the door handle, hard. He dies seconds later, at 11:59 sharp, hanging from the door handle by the rope around his neck.

Spongebob Squarepants, Accidental Death

On August 12th, 2010, after spending the night with his best friend watching cartoons, he finds out that his neighbor has been fired from his job. Upon hearing this, he becomes driven to correct the situation, and rushes into work to protest his coworker's firing to his manager, but to no avail. He tries to force his boss to rehire his coworker while holding a spatula, but trips over his shoelaces and falls onto a skewer held by his boss. He dies instantly.

Eugene Krabs, Natural Death

On August 12th, 2010, at 8:05 AM, he receives a phone call from his cashier, and gets angry because his cashier isn't at work and cannot come into work. Not willing to give his employee the day off, he fires him on the spot. When his only other employee arrives at work to convince him to reconsider, he doesn't budge. When he sees his employee holding an object in his hand, he grabs a skewer and holds it out in self-defense. When he sees his employee slip, he lunges, impaling the skewer through his employee's brain.

Over the next 7 days, the recent events begin to wear of his mind, causing him a great deal of stress. Within 10 days of the incident, he discovers that he has terminal cancer, and hasn't long to live. He writes his will, leaving everything he owns, including his restaurant and secret formulas, to his faithful cashier, whom he realizes he had wrongly fired on impulse. On August 20th, at 3 AM, he dies in his sleep, at home.

Harold SquarePants, Suicide

Upon learning of his son's death, immediately arranges for a funeral the following day in the deceased's backyard. When the body is stolen, he does whatever he is told by the authorities. When the body is recovered, he immediately changes the location of the funeral, and after arranging to have the coffin encased in concrete, he goes with his wife to a place where people are least likely to find them and commit suicide together.

Margaret Bubblebottem SquarePants, Suicide

Upon learning of her son's death, immediately works with her husband to arrange for a funeral the following day in the deceased's backyard. When the body is stolen, she does whatever she is told by the authorities. When the body is recovered, and the final arrangements are made for the funeral, she goes with her husband to a place where people are least likely to find them and commit suicide together.

Patrick Star, Suicide

On the evening of August 13th, 2010, in a fit of depression over the death of his best friend, he charges into his best friend's home, and steals the coffin with his friend's body inside and run away with it. After three hours of running all over Bikini Bottom, he returns home and stashes it under his rock.

On the 14th, he receives a visitor asking about his friend's body. He answers his visitor's questions without a fuss and goes quietly to prison, returning the coffin and corpse to the victim's family.

At 11:25, on the morning of August 15th, he suddenly goes into a crazed frenzy, breaking out of his prison cell. In a fit of grief, he runs to the nearest cemetery and throws himself into the only grave being filled with cement and dies by suffocation at 11:25 AM.

L Fish, Accidental Death

At 8 PM, he tears out his brainstem, runs out to the middle of the nearest four-way intersection and skips rope with it until he dies when struck by a truck at 8:03 PM.

* * *

I hope everyone enjoyed this fic, as it was a pleasure to write it to entertain all of you.

Don't forget to leave me some **comments and reviews**, now, you hear?


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